Healing is a Habit
This summer began with a tumultuous period of grief and loss. I was fortunate and privileged enough to receive a lot of space, time, and support. But as I came out of that initial processing, I began to feel lost and scattered realizing that I wasn’t going to come out of grief the same way I came in. “Back to normal” was not happening. I felt like every piece of my life needed to be picked apart and reassessed. Which is fine, but really challenging when you have things like responsibilities and bills to pay.
I needed more time. I needed more space. Lingering in the back of my mind was that slowing down was the solution to my feeling of overwhelm. The same things kept coming up for me during my therapy sessions: connect to my inner wisdom, trust, nourish myself.
I needed to find a way to *actually* incorporate moments of stillness and soul nourishment (move my body, spend time outside, read, journal, meditate, etc.) into my daily life. Because, yes, I needed a lot of slowness and stillness to keep myself sane, and, yes, I needed to go to work, feed myself, wash AND fold laundry…
For me, a chronic list maker, the work began with bullet points. I wrote down the things I wanted to do either daily or on a regular basis that would nourish my spirit. Making a list is the easy part. Committing to that list is a whole other story.
Ironically, before my beloved passed away this summer, the two of us had just started a book together: Atomic Habits by James Clear. It’s a simple, satisfying read about how to successfully break bad habits and maintain good ones. It was perhaps the first spark on this journey to reclaiming my daily routine.
The initial tactics Clear introduces in the book are easy enough to implement. Towards the end of the book, though, he offers a more profound secret for continual success: “…avoid making any single aspect of your identity an overwhelming portion of who you are…the more you let a single belief define you, the less capable you are of adapting when life challenges you.”
Habit forming is a big part of healing. The work required to both change and maintain habits, or ways of being, isn’t just about leaving sticky notes on your bathroom mirror. It requires a deep look at what we associate with our identity, why, and if that’s truly who we are.
This is one of the most valuable parts of healing work: it helps us peel back what we thought was our “identity” and reclaim the life we want to live. Therapists, body workers, plants, they all show up to help us with this. I hold deep gratitude for the practitioners of psychotherapy, tarot, astrology, yoga, and breathwork who support me. Each of these practices helped me get to a place where I could not only do at least some of those things on my list most days, but where I received more out of doing them. I’m continually eliminating parts of my “identity” that come in between me and the benefits I receive from my daily practices of journaling or meditating or lying on the floor staring at my ceiling.
And so, I am feeling more fulfilled and less stressed today than I was last month, and I have faith that next month I will be even more grounded. This does not mean that I’m not going to feel the emotions and realities that come up – I’m not interested in bypassing – but I will be able to keep my cool and not spiral into a sea of panic so easily. Maybe. Hopefully. We’ll see what the rest of my Saturn return has in store for me…
More than ever, I am motivated to continue my practice and support you all as much as I can. I know how hard it is to implement a healthy habit. More importantly, I am also aware of all the psychological, spiritual, and circumstantial roadblocks that arise, so I continually strive to practice holistically.
Consider this my recommitment to habitually improving myself and my practice in the spirit of communal care.
P.S. In the spirit of holistic healing, I have an announcement:
I have just started another training in biodynamic craniosacral therapy. I am really excited to weave this work into my energy work sessions. If you’d like this kind of support, get in touch or book a session.